Modern Medical Wonders

The surgery performed on me this past Friday for the most part is not invasive. There is one part of the procedure that is both ingenious and for men at least a form of modern torture. The device is called a stent, personally I prefer the term satanic invasion.

The implant of this device is no big deal as I was asleep, the removal on the other hand is nothing short of absolute torture if only for a few seconds, the stent is inserted through the penis then into the bladder and further inserted up a tube that leads from your kidney. The stent is used to push the stone back into the kidney so that it is surrounded by urine and there fore more easily pulverized into  a more easily passable size, the smaller the better I assure you!

Now there is some discomfort having this device inside you, constant pressure on your bladder, the kidney is not happy at all at its exit being held to a much larger size than normal. I experienced much pain as the kidney would spasm often. This pain seemed to be the most pronounced whenever I would have to lean forward, such as when I visited Jennifer in the hospital and she wanted a hug or when I had to help hold her still when they would take a blood sample from her.( that is one very strong 4-year-old).

The removal of this device is another matter entirely, I was wide awake!!!!! I entered the doctor’s office eager for the procedure, ready to get back to my normal self. I had no clue that I was to experience what can only be described as UN-adulterated  agony.

The doctor inserted the tip of the device at the opening of my penis( I was unable to see the procedure as it occurred and was likely the best option considering) The device then performed a move I had only seen in the movies, (aliens) where there is another mouth inside the larger one. What felt like a 50 foot in diameter cable then automatically entered my penis then into my bladder to grasp the stent. It was at this moment of sheer terror and agony that my hands moved to my thighs to protect myself from this UNholy invader.

The doctor having performed this procedure many times calmly informed me that my hands had to be on my chest in order for the procedure to be completed, with every ounce of strength I could summon I managed to do as he instructed. The moment my hands were clear of his field of work I heard the motor reverse and felt as though someone had grasped my kidney and were attempting to remove it through my bladder.

The pain level was higher than anything I had ever experienced before and this includes being wounded in Iraq. The stent seemed to be about 2 miles in length as the doctor actually stood up as the device removed it from my body.

In all actuality it was only about 18 inches or so long but damn that sucker was large in diameter, almost as large as a pencil in diameter. The entire process only took as he had promised, about 30 seconds but boy howdy that shit hurt!

The pain was gone as soon as the stent was removed but it was instantly replaced with a massive desire to urinate, the doctor had sat back down to examine me and I feared I would actually pee in his face, I warned him of my dire need to pee. He calmly told me this was due only because of the procedure, again I warned him to move, I knew I could hit the far wall of his exam room with urine at any moment, so I sat up and moved him out-of-the-way. He chuckled and then gave me a plastic bottle to urinate into. There was a good bit of blood  but little urine just as he had told me but man I had to go!

The next few days were filled with a good deal of pain as my kidney passed the grit from the stone that once was 9 mm in size, more blood in my urine, more grit in the toilet  most everyday. (stock tip) I promise you this considering the amount of cranberry juice I have consumed in the past week, it may not be a bad idea to buy some stock in the ocean spray brand.

The pain in my kidney is for the most part gone now, I pass a bit of the grit and blood clots from time to time, but nothing as I did for the first 3 days. I was told this stone is likely due to my love of true southern sweet tea, seems there is something in tea that bonds with calcium in our bodies and this causes the formation of kidney stones, so no more tea for me for a long time if ever, I will consume cranberry juice daily and only drink tea sparingly if at all. The loss of sweet tea is no small matter(I am southern). It however is a small price to pay if I never  have to experience the pain of a kidney stone ever again for as long as I live!!