If Only I Could

There are times in our lives we just feel lost, we are stuck in a rut, rinse and repeat as the shampoo bottles instruct us so to speak. We have all heard the expression, do things the same way we should not expect different results. How then do we make the changes in ourselves, in those around us, the choices we make that allow us to escape the rut, stop making the same old mistakes and achieve our goals.

Speaking only for myself, I finally realized that if I was not happy with myself then I was destined to not be happy overall or achieve that which I sought, sure there were fluttering bits of happiness here and there but nothing truly long-lasting. This revelation did not occur over night, it took me many years to even realize I was not happy, truly happy. My understanding came in bits and pieces until the final piece of the puzzle was literally beaten into me. I suppose in some ways I am a slow learner. Certainly I can be stubborn, far to independent at times, when you have been betrayed, let down by loved ones, friends and the like, sometimes it is just safer to not depend on anyone.

It is the journey I have made that allows me to see these same struggles in others I have met, known, loved and admired. Relationships are the hardest when you’re in this situation, we want to be happy, to feel loved, adored and needed. We wish to share our love with others, to have a companion, to experience romance and passion. At times it seems as though it is within our grasp only to disappear the moment we feel it is surely in our grasp. We give of ourselves to fast, to soon.

In the end if we do not love and yes like ourselves we are doomed to rinse and repeat the past. I have read many accounts written by those in this form, so many times I just want to shout out to them and scream STOP, do not keep going down the same path, surely they can see it, but alas we can not until it is their turn to change. There will come a day when they do I pray, it pains me to know end to see so many suffer.

I had help with my final piece of the puzzle, at the time I did not recognize that terrible event for the hidden blessing it contained, if I could only return the favor, if only I could! We can let the failures of the past define us, or we can learn to understand their cause and make something better of our future, it is really no more complicated than that. Putting that mantra into action is not so easy but is required for true change, I would help if I could, Truly I would if I could!

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